Pure joy, no matter what.

I had to get some blood tests done last week. Jaidyn was actually really excited that I was getting mine done since its always her getting it done. We waited in the waiting room where she continuously let me know its going to be ok. When it was my turn she told me exactly what to do: sit down and pull your sleeve up, then the lady will wash it with the wipe. I kinda laughed as the nurse looked at me kinda confused. Then Jaidyn told me "don't worry Mommy, its going to be ok. I'm right here and I will hold your hand." It was so sweet and innocent.


Funny enough it actually was reassuring. I'm such a baby when it comes to getting my blood done, only because they some how manage to ALWAYS blow my veins. Which by the way, they did again.


As we were walking through the waiting room, Jaidyn stops me and says in the most excited voice for everyone sitting there to hear, "Mommy you were SO brave you didn't even cry!"


Yesterday, we were driving, I had the music playing but I could hear Jaidyn talking really quietly in the backseat. So I turned the music down and listened for a minute, and couldn't help but smile.


She had her baby in her lap and was playing doctor with her. But not just any "doctor" game a 3 year old would play. Her little baby was getting prepped for a spinal tap. As she went into detail explaining to her baby that "don't worry you will feel a little dizzy, but its ok because you can just watch Dora on the big TV" and, "after we are done, we will wheel you back to your room and your mommy will be there to take care of you." She also attached her baby's IV pole to her butterfly line and started giving her fluids.


It made me so sad and happy at the same time.


Sad because my 3 year old knows what a spinal tap is and can walk you through it step by step. But also happy in that she is capable of making light of such a terrible disease. This is what she knows. This is her normal.


Luckily was feeling good enough and her counts were high enough she was able to go to school and ballet on Valentines day. So for the first time Jaidyn and I made home made valentines for all her friends. She signed each and every one of them and even made Miles (the dog from school) a matching Birthday card. She was so excited to get there and pass them out.

We have good days and we have bad days. Unfortunately we also have really bad days. Days when nothing makes her feel better, when my patience and strength is depleted, days I am ready to throw the towel in. But then there are days as mentioned above when I realize I can't give up. When I realize there is a little girl depending on me to be her rock and to make it ok.


As ok as it can be.


But I'm only human.


Ive never really experienced what its like to be truly burned out.


Having the feelings where I'm so mentally exhausted, sleep just doesn't help anymore.


Thankfully the results from the blood test for me came back normal, and my doctor has said "you're just burnt out, you need a break, you need time for yourself."


However, taking breaks, and time for myself is few and far between these days. Jaidyn has always been a lot of work to begin with. When adding in this treatment and illness, it makes the hard days that much harder. We're learning how to get through the hard days.  She does take "acting up for her mom" to a whole other level. But she will be going back to the Psychologist at Children's soon. Where we both will learn to deal with her frustrations and anxieties.


Because there are just some days when I just don't know what to do anymore.


And then there are days like this where we go to the park with Uncle Tay Tay, that make me remember, everything will be ok as long as I can continue to see this smiling face. Jaidyn has taught me so much throughout all of this. As hard as it may seem, and as rough as some days are, there is always a way to smile. Sometimes I just need to remember that more often.

 

Pure joy. No matter what.

Sears Great Canadian Chill 2012

This weekend Jaidyn's dad, Andrew and his sister Ashley will be participating in the Sears Great Canadian Chill- Stopping Kids Cancer Cold!


Feb 18th 2012, Andrew and Ashley will be joining hundreds of other people by jumping into the freezing cold ocean at Second Beach, Stanley Park Vancouver BC.




Click here to help sponsor Andrew to raise money to end kids cancer and improve the lives of thousands of children and their families. This cause is all to close to our hearts, experiencing it first hand. Jaidyn is thankfully doing wonderful in her treatments, but she wouldn't be getting the care she does if it wasn't for the donations and fundraisers that have taken place to find a cure for this horrible disease. 


Please help in anyway you can. No person, no family especially no child should have to experience this. 
Every dollar counts, and if you can't help financially please be there to cheer everyone while they jump into the chilly waters this Saturday.

Jaidyn and Andrew, Cawston BC October 2011

Day 10

In no way am I complaining when I write this post, its more of an ironic thing.


Today, was 10 days post Chemo for Jaidyn. Day 10 is normally the worst. Meaning your counts are usually the lowest which leads to possible admission.


Jaidyn is in the last "intense phase" of her 2 year treatment before we start the year and a half of "Maintenance" which is once a month Chemo. This last phase where she got the Ara-C four days in a row, usually lands kids in the hospital around day 10. Luckily we were already going in today for follow up blood work, to check her counts and transfuse if necessary.


Last Friday Jaidyn received a platelet transfusion for the first time. Let me just add that normally when kids are diagnosed with Leukemia, a tell tale sign is bruising. Caused by low platelets. Another sign of low platelets is called petechia. Petechia is tiny little red dots that appear on the skin. Jaidyn never showed any of those signs when she was diagnosed. Nor has she shown any, almost the whole time through treatment. Her platelets have always stayed well in the hundreds. At some points even being over 500. A transfusion only happens when its under 10. 


Except things changed last week. She fell and cut her knee. No big deal, happens all the time. But by the time I picked her up (5 seconds later) she had already bled through her jeans. So I rolled up her jeans to see what was going on, there was blood dripping down her leg, all coming from a tiny little cut. I cleaned away the blood, and luckily due to Jaidyn's current obsession with band aids I had some in the car. By the time we got home she had bled right through it. Not putting too much concern towards it we changed it and she went to bed.


The next morning we were heading to the clinic for a blood count check anyway, which was kind of perfect timing. The bleeding had stopped over night but started again on the way in and she had bled through her tights. I also noticed her knee was purple all around this tiny cut. She also had a giant blue bruise on her foot. Clearly her platelets were low for the first time. Blood work was done and yes that was the case. Her hemoglobin was still normal but her platelets were 28. Since it was Friday and they didn't want us to have to come in over the weekend, they decided to transfuse at 28 instead of waiting till it got down to 10.


Thankfully platelets only take an hour, but are a funky yellow colour and it freaked me out a bit at first.
Just enough time to play dress up, do some arts and crafts and some contraction work. After that we were free to go.

Platelets, Mermaid and Construction Worker. She does it all.

Drill to the eye

So back to my current topic. Today was day 10. Knowing she would probably have really low counts and possibly might have to stay today, I decided to be prepared, unlike most of the days we ended up staying for 8 or 10 hours. So I packed a bag for the clinic, filled with entertainment for myself and Jaidyn (even though they have every toy/electronic/movie available to them in the clinic), along with lunch and some paper work I needed to do. I also packed a couple days worth of clothes for her and myself, just incase we were admitted.


I wasn't going to get stuck unprepared like I have a few times before.


So we got there and went upstairs to the lab, got her blood drawn, and went back down to the clinic. Her vitals were done and then we were able to go to the playroom while we waited for her blood counts.


As soon as I started to get my computer out to get some stuff done, Jaidyn's nurse April came over with a big smile on her face and said "well... you guys are good to go!" A little confused, as I looked at her counts and they were pretty much normal. Low of course, but still nothing compared to what they were expecting. Her platelets were over 200, and Hemoglobin was at 100 (normal is 120). So we went into Dr. Rod's office to have our usual chat about how things were going and as he looked at her counts he again laughed like a couple times before. He couldn't believe that her platelets had gone up over 200. I was under the impression that it was normal since she had just had a platelet transfusion, but I was wrong. The transfusion would have at best brought her up to maybe 50, it was her own bone marrow producing plateets on its on. Jaidyn must have some pretty damn strong bone marrow, chemo can't even stop it.


So that was AWESOME news.


As prepared as I was to be admitted we got to go home. It was kinda ironic but we were ok with it none the less. 


On the subject of being able to go home, there has been some concerns about the fact that we have been "out patients" for almost all of Jaidyn's treatment. But now that I think more about those concerns, it's more than enough to be its own post. I will get to that late.

For now, I will enjoy days like today. Crisp sunny days in February where we get to go to the beach and throw rocks, and eat Gelato and enjoy each other's company without the burden of more blood tests, vital signs every couple hours, constant beeping and uncomfortable hospital beds. 

Throwing rocks

The windup

White Rock, BC

Happy girl, enjoying the sun

Enjoying her Gelato

Blood Orange and Tirimisu

And the winner is....

JAIDYN LYRIC!!!

We did it!!!

(how bad is it that I can't say or hear that phrase without automatically starting to sing like Dora "we did it, we did it, we did it YEAH!!!)

You can see the announcement here

We're so happy, excited, thankful and every other positive feeling out there. Well more so all those feelings are describing me... Jaidyn doesn't really have any clue what I'm talking about.

The photo means so much to me because it was taken about a week before she was diagnosed with Leukemia. It is such a beautiful picture, reminding me just how innocent these little kids are. It is also one of the last pictures taken of Jaidyn before our lives were turned upside down.

July 2011

Another one from that day- hair blowing in the wind

I'm so looking forward to having Bri Oliver take Jaidyn's pictures again. We'll most likely do the photo shoot towards the end of May or early June. Around the same time I try and get her photos done each year and also lets hope by then Jaidyn gets over her hate for the camera. This is partially because I have been constantly taking pictures of her over the last 6 months. Not that the first 3 years I wasn't a little camera crazy either.

So much has changed over the last 6 months, who could blame me.

But anyway, WE WON!!!

So thankful to everyone that voted, unfortunately the contest was ended early as it got a little too competitive for some people and things got a little out of hand. But proud to say Jaidyn must have a lot of fans as we won by at least 100 votes.

I'll post the pictures as soon as we get them done. So stay tuned...

Cute Kid Contest

So I decided to be "that mom" and I entered Jaidyn in a Cute Kid Contest. But I justified it with the fact that its hosted by an amazing photographer Bri Oliver at Luv U photography, who we have worked with before. She did my maternity photos and Jaidyn's new born photos at 10 days old.

I would LOVE to have her take Jaidyn's photos again, so PLEASE go vote for Jaidyn at the link below and share with all your friends.


VOTE HERE


ONE VOTE PER IP ADDRESS. 


Thanks everyone who takes the time to vote and spreads the word!